0:01 - 0:04
[Jeff] What I want you to do is I want you to look over there while I'm getting him out. Don't peek.
0:04 - 0:06
[Achmed] OK.
[Jeff] Just look over there.
0:06 - 0:10
[Achmed] Hey, wait a minute,
when I'm not looking, are you going to kill me?
0:11 - 0:14
[Achmed] Now, that's actually a good way to do it,
you know.
0:14 - 0:17
[Achmed] Kind of old school, but effective.
0:17 - 0:21
[Achmed] It's like, "Hey, look at that! .... [throttled noise]
0:21 - 0:24
[Jeff] No, just look over there and don't look back until I say so.
0:24 - 0:27
[Achmed] OK, whatever. This is kind of like Christmas, hu?
0:27 - 0:29
[Jeff] Yeah, just look over there
[Achmed] OK
0:29 - 0:31
[Jeff] Don't peek.
[Achmed] OK, right, I'm not going to peek, but it's still... now?
0:31 - 0:45
[Jeff] Nooo!
[Achmed] OK! I didn't ....
0:45 - 0:48
[Achmed] Aow!
[Semi-skeleton => Achmed Junior => A.J.] Aow!
0:48 - 0:51
[Achmed] Who the hell is that?
0:51 - 1:09
[A.J.] Hello, Father!
1:09 - 1:12
[Jeff] It's your son, Achmed Junior!
1:12 - 1:16
[Achmed] A.J.?
1:16 - 1:17
[A.J.] That's right.
1:17 - 1:19
[Achmed] Wait, I thought you were dead!
1:19 - 1:21
[A.J.] Surprise!
1:21 - 1:22
[Jeff] This is great.
1:22 - 1:28
[Achmed] Hey, what happened to your face?
Oh, yeah. My bad.
1:28 - 1:30
[Jeff] Achmed, he's your son! Look at him, what do you see?
1:30 - 1:32
[Achmed] Well, he does have my eye [laughs].
1:32 - 1:37
[A.J.] Actually, I do, yes, I do.
1:37 - 1:42
[Achmed] Why do you sound like Elton John?
1:42 - 1:44
[Jeff] You were separated after the accident: he was raised in England.
1:44 - 1:46
[A.J.] Did my mum miss me?
1:46 - 1:50
[Achmed] Err, yeah, I don't know, what the hell mmmm
1:50 - 1:52
[Jeff] How do you not know?
1:52 - 2:01
[Achmed] Oops...
2:01 - 2:04
[A.J.] What's wrong with your leg?
2:04 - 2:08
[Achmed] NOTHING! ...What's wrong with my leg?
2:08 - 2:12
[Achmed] Can you fix this?
[Jeff] I don't think so...
2:12 - 2:20
[Achmed] Damm it!
2:20 - 2:24
[A.J.] Don't look at me!
2:24 - 2:38
[Jeff] What if we get Marnel to help us? He works for us.
[Achmed] Marneeeeel, come and fix my leg!
2:38 - 2:47
[A.J.] He's kinda cute.
2:47 - 2:50
[Achmed] Okay, moving oooon!
2:50 - 2:53
[Jeff] Wait a minute, how do you not know who his mother is?
2:53 - 2:56
[Achmed] I had 46 wives, you idiot!
2:56 - 2:59
[Achmed] They all dressed the same
and their faces were covered.
2:59 - 3:04
[Jeff] How did you tell them apart?
[Achmed] The numbers on theirs backs!
3:04 - 3:12
[Jeff] That's terrible.
[Achmed] I know. Mother's Day is a bitch. And so are most of the mothers.
3:12 - 3:14
[A.J.] That's not funny at all.
3:14 - 3:21
[Achmed] Atall? Who's Atall? Was she your mother? I don't remember a woman who was all bulgy-eyed like you.
3:21 - 3:22
[Jeff] Bulgy-eyed?
[Achmed] Well, look at him!
3:22 - 3:27
[A.J.] Well, you are not exactly squinting.
3:27 - 3:32
[Achmed] At least my face is balanced. I do manage to look asleep and terrified, all at the same time.
3:32 - 3:34
[Jeff] Achmed, he is your son!
3:34 - 3:47
[Achmed] Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and apparently this one got run over by a fucking lawnmower.
3:47 - 3:48
[A.J.] You caused the accident.
3:48 - 3:52
[Achmed] Accident? It was a huge explosion with great fire and destruction.
3:52 - 3:55
[A.J.] You didn't mean for it to happen!
[Achmed] I did to!
3:55 - 4:00
[A.J.] You did not!
[Achmed] I did... oh shit! Marneeeeel!
4:00 - 4:09
[Achmed] Son of a bitch!
[A.J.] Are you talking to me now?
4:09 - 4:14
[Achmed] Fix it right or I'll kick your ass!
4:14 - 4:34
[Achmed] Marnel, come back!
My arm is stuck in my pelvis, you asshole!
4:34 - 4:40
[A.J.] He can fix my pelvis anytime.
[Achmed] Shut uuuup!
4:40 - 4:44
[Jeff] OK look... So the explosion that you were talking about... how did that happen?
4:44 - 4:47
[Achmed] Very precise and careful planning.
[A.J.] Not exactly.
4:47 - 4:48
[Achmed] I said shut up!
[Jeff] What happened?
4:48 - 4:53
[Achmed] NOTHING!
[A.J.] He was putting gasoline in his scooter.
4:53 - 4:59
[Jeff] So why was there an explosion?
[Achmed] Shit happens.
4:59 - 5:01
[A.J.] He was using his cellphone.
[Jeff] Really?
5:01 - 5:02
[Achmed] What?
5:02 - 5:04
[Jeff] While putting gas in your scooter,
you know, that's dangerous.
5:04 - 5:06
[Achmed] Well it was your mother who called!
[A.J.] Really?
5:06 - 5:09
[Achmed] I don't know.
5:09 - 5:12
[Jeff] What was her name?
[Achmed] Forty-two.
5:12 - 5:16
[Jeff] And you guys haven't had any contact since?
[Achmed] Not much, he is a bad son.
5:16 - 5:18
[A.J] I am not!
[Achmed] Tell him what you sent me for my birthday!
5:18 - 5:20
[A.J.] It was a honest mistake.
[Jeff] What you sent him?
5:20 - 5:26
[Achmed] He sent me a bottle of skin lotion.
5:26 - 5:27
[A.J.] He made it worse.
[Jeff] What did you do?
5:27 - 5:35
[Achmed] I sent him back half a bottle, ja ja!
5:35 - 5:37
[Jeff] You know, maybe you should try to patch things up.
5:37 - 5:41
[Achmed] Looks like he needs more than a fucking patch.
5:41 - 5:44
[A.J.] But I'm here for a reason!
[Achmed] What? a skin graft, sorry? I'm all out!
5:44 - 5:52
[Achmed] Fuck, Marneeeeel!
Come and fix my fucking leg!
5:52 - 5:55
[Achmed] ... eat(?) duct tape you asshole!
5:55 - 6:15
[Jeff] Actually he brought duct tape...
6:15 - 6:23
[A.J.] He's kinky too.
[Achmed] Shut uup!
6:23 - 6:26
[Jeff] So, Achmed, do you know why A.J. is here?
6:26 - 6:31
[Achmed] Well, wait a minute... This isn't some crap about owing child support, is it?
6:31 - 6:36
[Achmed] That bitch, whichever one she was.
[Jeff] No, that's not it.
6:36 - 6:39
[Achmed] This is that, because I've seen the crap that you're going through
6:39 - 6:42
and I don't know how you can afford even a T-shirt!
6:42 - 6:53
[Jeff] Thank you.
[Achmed] Did I say that just how you wrote it?
6:53 - 6:59
[Jeff] Yes, thank you.
[Achmed] Okay, good luck with the Judge.
6:59 - 7:04
[Achmed] I hope he's fair.
[Jeff] Actually, the Judge is a woman
7:04 - 7:08
[A.J] You're fucked
7:08 - 7:12
[Achmed] OK, listen you!
[Jeff] Achmed, you're getting hostile.
7:12 - 7:15
[Achmed] Of course I'm getting hostile,
I'm a terrorist, you idiot!
7:15 - 7:17
[Achmed] You piss me off, I kill you!
7:17 - 7:20
[A.J.] Would that really solve anything?
7:20 - 7:23
[Achmed] Pretty much, yeah, I think it does.
7:23 - 7:25
[Jeff] OK
[Achmed] I have nothing in common with my own son.
7:25 - 7:27
[Jeff] Well, just talk to him.
[Achmed] How?
7:27 - 7:29
[Jeff] I don't know, like you would to anybody.
[Achmed] OK. WTF!
7:29 - 7:45
OMG. I mean OMA.
7:45 - 7:47
[Jeff] And you have no idea why he's here?
7:47 - 7:49
[Achmed] To start his training as a terrorist.
7:49 - 7:52
[A.J.] No, Father, that's just it: I don't want to be a terrorist.
7:52 - 7:55
[Achmed] Uh? But I want you to be just like me.
7:55 - 7:57
[A.J.] Well, I'm not, and I won't be.
7:57 - 7:59
[Jeff] Achmed, can you accept that?
7:59 - 8:01
[Achmed] I guess I can try.
8:01 - 8:04
[Jeff] And A.J., what if he doesn't accept it?
8:04 - 8:06
[A.J.] I kill you.
8:06 - 8:10
[Achmed] That's my boy!
FAQs
Which Jeff Dunham show has Achmed son in it? ›
What is Achmed's son's name? ›Achmed Junior is the estranged son of Achmed. He was designed by Mad magazine illustrator Tom Richmond. He first appeared during the Identity Crisis Tour 2010, and made his first onscreen appearance in Dunham's fourth special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos.
Is Jeff Dunham adopted? ›Early life. Dunham was born in Dallas, Texas on April 18, 1962. When he was three months old he was adopted by real estate appraiser Howard Dunham, and his homemaker wife Joyce, who raised him in a devoutly Presbyterian household in a rich Dallas neighborhood as an only child.
What is the new Jeff Dunham on Netflix called? ›Jeff Dunham: Me the People (TV Special 2022) - IMDb.
What is the age limit for Jeff Dunham shows? ›This is for 13+
Who is considered the best ventriloquist? ›Think Outside The Box With A Comedy Ventriloquist
Keep your audience laughing with a comedy ventriloquist ... Ventriloquist comedy acts are popular, but seldom seen at live entertainment events. Of the highest grossing touring comedians ventriloquist Jeff Dunham sits at the top of the heap.
7 Jeff and Audrey Dunham
He went vegan following in the footsteps of Audrey who acts as a blogger, former fitness competitor, and owner of Peanut's Bakeshop—a gluten-free vegan cookie mix company named after one of Jeff's characters.
Jeff Dunham is consistently one of the highest-paid comedians in the world, raking in anywhere from $15 – 30 million per year.
Has Jeff Dunham ever had a female puppet? ›She was seen in the 2010 film Dinner for Schmucks. She is Jeff's only female puppet. In Minding the Monsters, she was confirmed retired as her name was on a tombstone in the opening sequence. She never appeared in a Comedy Central special.
Did Jeff Dunham ever find his biological parents? ›I found my birth father by accident. now if I could find my mom n sister. I Bet His Dad Wishes He Shoulda Never Put Jeff Up For Adoption.
How many twins does Jeff Dunham have? ›
In 2012, he married former fitness model, Audrey Murdick. And Jeff Dunham's world just got twice as sweet when he and Murdick welcomed their twin boys, Jack Steven and James Jeffrey, a day before their third anniversary on Sunday, Oct. 11, 2015.
What is Jeff Dunham doing now? ›Jeff Dunham is currently touring across 1 country and has 19 upcoming concerts.
Why did the Jeff Dunham show end? ›Unfortunately, those great ratings didn't last and viewership went way down for the subsequent episodes. The season (now series) finale only attracted 1.3 million viewers. Like most, Dunham's show was cancelled because of low ratings.
How much did Netflix pay Jeff Dunham? ›8 Jeff Dunham - $16.5 million
Apparently, people can't get enough of Jeff Dunham and neither can Netflix. They were willing to pay him $16.5 million for one hour-long comedy special called Jeff Dunham: Relative Disaster.
The final Jeff Dunham booking price is contingent on many variables and the booking fee we may show is based on a range derived from our past experience with what will Jeff Dunham charge for an event. An example fee to book Jeff Dunham is in the starting range of $150,000-$299,000.
What do you wear to a Jeff Dunham show? ›In most of Vegas there aren't any dress codes to go anywhere. A few higher end restaurants may request men to not wear shorts, or must wear a shirt with a collar, or maybe even a sportscoat - but for women - it's pretty much anything goes for anywhere. 3. Re: Jeff Dunham show dress code.
Is Jeff Dunham child friendly? ›Language includes f—k s—t b—-h c—k and more. Don't take children but sure is entertaining!
What does Achmed mean? ›Origin:Arabic. Meaning:highly praised or one who constantly thanks God. Achmed as a boy's name is of Arabic origin meaning "highly praised or one who constantly thanks God".
When did Jeff Dunham get Achmed? ›As of June 2009, the sketch in which Dunham introduced Achmed is the fourth most watched online video ever, having amassed nearly 200 million views.
Is it Ahmed or Achmed? ›Ahmad (Arabic: أحمد, romanized: ʾAḥmad) is an Arabic male given name common in most parts of the Muslim world. Other spellings of the name include Ahmed and Ahmet.
How old was Jeff Dunham when his twins were born? ›
The 53-year-old ventriloquist and his wife announced the news Tuesday on social media. Sons James Jeffrey and Jack Steven were born Sunday, a day before the couple's third wedding anniversary.
When did Jeff Dunham get achmed? ›As of June 2009, the sketch in which Dunham introduced Achmed is the fourth most watched online video ever, having amassed nearly 200 million views.
What season was Jeff Dunham on AGT? ›Jeff Dunham's got high hopes for the kid ventriloquist who won season 12 of "America's Got Talent" ...
How many dolls does Jeff Dunham have? ›What first started out as just Jeff and the puppet, Achmed, is now a set of at least six puppets.
How much does Jeff Dunham make? ›Jeff Dunham is consistently one of the highest-paid comedians in the world, raking in anywhere from $15 – 30 million per year.
How long does Jeff Dunham seriously last? ›2 hours and 15 minutes with no intermission.
Did Jeff Dunham ever meet his real parents? ›Dunham was adopted, which wasn't a big deal to him. He mentions he doesn't have an interest in finding his birth parents. The moment of heartwarming is in his autobiography when he has his first child and as he holds his infant daughter he realizes this is the first blood relative he's ever met.
Will Jeff Dunham be in Las Vegas in 2023? ›LAS VEGAS, Feb. 28, 2023 /PRNewswire/ -- Jeff Dunham and his somewhat-inappropriate-proteges, Peanut, Walter, José Jalapeño, Bubba J. and Achmed the Dead Terrorist, announce six dates for his new show, "Still Not Canceled," at Zappos Theater at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino.
Does Jeff Dunham have children? ›